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The First Day of a Brand New Life

05.27.2024 • 10 minute read

For the past 14 years I have felt that my life was falling apart year after year. I had tremendous loss that I never thought possible. In 2010 I lost my home, my life savings, my health and the connection to my husband of 16 years at that time. We both entered what some call the dark night of the soul and had a long and difficult journey out of it.

In the depth of that darkness, I heard the call of my spirit and went running forward towards the light. I entered a massive spiritual awakening that took me into realms of spirit and God that I never knew existed. All the while my true love, my husband felt deeply lost and sank into the depths of his sadness. Growing toward the light of what feels like your eternal heaven and feeling the suffering and pain of someone you love so deeply at the same time is a struggle that challenged my soul at its deepest core. I felt the challenge of love and hate both at the same time. I felt blissful joy and deep grief both at the same time. I wanted so badly for him and I to grow into the light together and celebrate our soul’s truth with each other. But each of our souls had its own healing agenda that would be followed instead. A long period of being split apart was the journey we would then endure.

At times we just stare at each other unable to communicate what we were going through. He could not see or feel my joy through his pain, and I could not bear to feel the depth of his sadness when my focus was a stronghold towards the light that was healing me.

So, life took over and pulled us separate in directions.

At times we would just stare at each other, unable to communicate what we were going through.

05.27.2024 • 10 minute read

For the past 14 years I have felt that my life was falling apart year after year. I had tremendous loss that I never thought possible. In 2010 I lost my home, my life savings, my health and the connection to my husband of 16 years at that time. We both entered what some call the dark night of the soul and had a long and difficult journey out of it.

In the depth of that darkness, I heard the call of my spirit and went running forward towards the light. I entered a massive spiritual awakening that took me into realms of spirit and God that I never knew existed. All the while my true love, my husband felt deeply lost and sank into the depths of his sadness. Growing toward the light of what feels like your eternal heaven and feeling the suffering and pain of someone you love so deeply at the same time is a struggle that challenged my soul at its deepest core. I felt the challenge of love and hate both at the same time. I felt blissful joy and deep grief both at the same time. I wanted so badly for him and I to grow into the light together and celebrate our soul’s truth with each other. But each of our souls had its own healing agenda that would be followed instead. A long period of being split apart was the journey we would then endure.

At times we just stare at each other unable to communicate what we were going through. He could not see or feel my joy through his pain, and I could not bear to feel the depth of his sadness when my focus was a stronghold towards the light that was healing me.

So, life took over and pulled us separate in directions.

At times we would just stare at each other, unable to communicate what we were going through.

05.27.2024 • 10 minute read

For the past 14 years I have felt that my life was falling apart year after year. I had tremendous loss that I never thought possible. In 2010 I lost my home, my life savings, my health and the connection to my husband of 16 years at that time. We both entered what some call the dark night of the soul and had a long and difficult journey out of it.

In the depth of that darkness, I heard the call of my spirit and went running forward towards the light. I entered a massive spiritual awakening that took me into realms of spirit and God that I never knew existed. All the while my true love, my husband felt deeply lost and sank into the depths of his sadness. Growing toward the light of what feels like your eternal heaven and feeling the suffering and pain of someone you love so deeply at the same time is a struggle that challenged my soul at its deepest core. I felt the challenge of love and hate both at the same time. I felt blissful joy and deep grief both at the same time. I wanted so badly for him and I to grow into the light together and celebrate our soul’s truth with each other. But each of our souls had its own healing agenda that would be followed instead. A long period of being split apart was the journey we would then endure.

At times we just stare at each other unable to communicate what we were going through. He could not see or feel my joy through his pain, and I could not bear to feel the depth of his sadness when my focus was a stronghold towards the light that was healing me.

So, life took over and pulled us separate in directions.

At times we would just stare at each other, unable to communicate what we were going through.

APRIL-ANJALI

The truth was, we were simply not yet ready. There was still unhealed pain between us.

It was a journey that separated us for many of those in-between years so that we could each find ourselves without giving our pain and suffering to one another. That, I have come to realize, is the deep power of true love—we gave each other the space to wander this life as needed; sometimes together and sometimes apart for days or weeks.

And while I missed him so deeply all that time, I knew that we still were meant to be. I tried many times along the way to buy a home for us thinking this was all we needed to come together again. A new beginning that would heal the past and  somehow glue our life back together where it had come apart. As if something on the outside could fix something on the inside. It didn’t work to say the very least. The many homes I had offered on never went through. Something always seemed to sweep every home I would find out of my hands before it could become ours.

The truth was, we were simply not yet ready. There was still unhealed pain between us.

If God had a plan for us and our future, he certainly wasn’t letting me in on it. I went through periods of giving up, thinking it would never happen, that my love would never come around, that I should just appreciate the past and our life pre- spiritual awakening. But I just didn’t understand why and I’m not one to give up easily. The stubborn taurus in me continued to seek answers and understanding. I could never get the question out of my mind “what is all of this for then?”  Why the struggle, why the pain and suffering, why the loss of a love that once celebrated so much life, a life that up until that point in 2010 had been filled with so much joy.

Sometimes to heal we need to let go of everything that we think we know so that something wiser can begin to lead us.

I continued to venture on my own healing path with a deep realization that I too had many things within myself to embrace and to let “un- become” so that I could embrace my true becoming. So, I surrendered to the path of divine trust.

For me that meant opening to a greater potential that held the promise of teaching me beyond what I was capable of learning on my own.

For 7 years I surrendered to this guided healing journey and dove into learning and mastering many healing modalities.  I had a deep knowing inside of me that I wanted to teach and lead others. To bring healing and connection to others.  To become a light and show others the way to spirit as it so naturally had come to me.
 
 

I had a deep impulse to inspire women to find their inner beauty and to embrace their life in a new way.


 

To find peace, healing and connection to the bigger meaning of life no matter what their past had been.

So, I kept going, growing and learning to master my own inner world. To brave my life as an independent being, to learn how to live in the separation of my marriage and lean into the sacred marriage of learning to love myself.

In the recent few months ago, now as the year 2024 began, a series of what I call “divinely guided healing events” began to show up in my life.

Were the winds of fate finally turning a new direction in my life?

For one, my long commute that kept me away from home for so many years ended, and I began working only minutes from where we lived.   My husband was injured at work and would end up being home on disability while he went through the treatments and procedures to get him healed.  For the first time in years the circumstance of our lives had brought us together instead of apart.  with true time to really be with one another.  Healing events that I had planned for myself suddenly had a space for him to come along and he willingly joined me.

Our personal desires to lead life from a new perspective merged into a union of shared dreams.

Was this great unfolding we had been going through separately finally turning the tides to come and weave us back together after all these years?

If I asked this question once, I had asked it a million more… “When, God, when will it be our time, when will this separate life end? When will our home show up? When will our life ever feel like it belongs to both of us again?

Please know that Gods plan is always in the works, there is a bigger picture to the unfolding of our lives than one will ever know.  Had each of us, my husband and I, not experienced our separation years the way we did our coming together and the perfect unfolding of our “un-becoming to becoming” would not have been the glorious rebirth that it was.

The divine was behind the details all along.

They say, “everything that is meant to be in life happens in divine timing” and now I know this to be absolute truth.  I no longer feel afraid that love and a life of my dreams have left me because I deeply realize that it was with me all along, even in my deepest sadness.

Sometimes it’s just gets hard to see through the painful cracks of our lives.   I now can see that those times gave me the blessing of space to heal my own inner weakness, to heal my own disbelief in myself.  Something that no one else can provide for you.  Not even the love of your life.

I now can clearly see that our future home is there and on its way to us. Even if we have not seen it physically, we both feel it and believe it and that’s all the power we need to create our life from here forward.

Today is the first day, that I hereby proclaim, as my decade of finding fabulous at 50!

A new beginning, a renewed marriage and a rebirth of my self-proclaimed purpose. From here I go forward to share my stories of healing, my growth as a soul and the path to love that I have discovered along my sacred 14 years of unfolding. And I am doing it with my hunky, beautiful husband who I still see and as the most beautiful man I have ever set eyes on.

Beyond his skin and beyond any struggle we may encounter from this moment forward. Because what is true is what lives beyond those things.

What’s true is what you find in your heart behind your pain. And that is how healing begins.

To share our life together once again, through a new perspective in sacred partnership. A sacred marriage that honors both of us as one big heart moving forward in this journey of life one day at a time.

My renewed promise to both my husband and myself is to enjoy growing through the years together slowly, there is no race.  To allow you your own experience while I allow myself mine.  To support you as you support me.  To live life by the seat of our pants because we both know that it’s the exhilaration of a great adventure that lights both our hearts on fire.   And there is nothing greater than our love.

And, in the end, I hope that our beautiful children will see our life together as a strength they can rely on to guide them up the mountain of their own lives and to fill them with hope as they search for meaning and purpose in their own way.

The greatest gift we can offer this world is our love story. Let’s make this decade of finding fabulous at 50 one that will inspire our hearts as well as others.  One that breathes a new breath of life to fuel the momentum of our continued unfolding and bring hope and inspiration to others along the way.

Let’s live fully out now because now is all we really have and there is no one I would rather do it with than you.

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